Unbelievable

I am sitting in the Portland airport waiting for my flight to go back to NY. I don't want to go. Believe me when I say if the boys weren't there, I'm pretty sure there is no way I would even get on that plane. The scenario that is playing out back there is absolutely not okay. About a month ago, Aaron and I had a discussion regarding the appropriate time to introduce the boys to significant others. I knew that there would be no issue there for me. I am not in the place whatsoever to go down that road. Aaron agreed, saying that he and Jennifer were not in that place anymore, so it was a non-issue for him as well. Fast forward to Friday night...not 24 hours after I left NY. Aaron and the boys spent the evening with Jennifer and her boys. At their house. Until 2am. Aaron had to call and tell me about it first thing in the morning, but only because he knew if he didn't, the boys would tell me first. I was FLOORED. I mean, seriously???? The crazy thing is that in his mind, it's completely justifiable and acceptable. He thinks that because they "presented" themselves as friends that it's okay. IT'S SO NOT OKAY!!! He is allowing them to get attached to not only "Fun and Amazing Jenn" but her kids as well. It's like they are fricking playing house or something. I called the boys again last night and yep, they were over there again. W.T.F.

Every single thing that Aaron has agreed with and/or promised has been blatantly disregarded. There is so little truth and so many misrepresesntations that I am starting to lose track. I was told I would have NO spending money for this trip....I go look at our bank account and Aaron is all over the place, taking cash out, going out to dinner...spending in whatever way he wishes. It's absolutely unbelievable.

The kicker is that now he is telling me that he will fight me on moving back to Washington. This entire time, from the very initial divorce conversation he acknowledged and accepted that this divorce would most likely result in me moving home where my family, life and support system are. I hoped and prayed that with Aaron and I coparenting and doing things together, that I could stick it out there for the boys. As time and events are unfolding, I am seeing that this just isn't possible. The original proposal for staying there was based on trust and the principle that we would actually do things as a team with everything up front and on the table. Aaron in no way has kept his end of the bargain. He thinks that since Jenn makes him "so happy" that the environment for the boys is worth me sucking it up and staying. He thinks me going home where I can find a job and have offers of places to live and necessary support is selfish. ME? BEING SELFISH?
All I can hear is her sqwaking in his ear. This man....the one that is constantly lying and misrepresenting himself is now trying to strong arm me into staying in NY and making a life for myself...so that HE can have everything that he wants.

My heart is sick. My stomach constantly turning. I still can't eat or sleep. I told Aaron that I am seriously considering needing to make this move and he is planning to fight me on it, even though in our filed court documents, he maintained that if need be, I had the right to move home. Yet again, I can't even believe this is my life. Honestly, the thought of taking the boys back across the country...away from their dad and all his "promises" of snow and fun KILLS me. But what about the promises he made me? Don't I ever really get to have a say in any of this? How do I tell them that their dad isn't keeping his promises and that what he is doing outside of our marriage is unacceptable? They think he is amazing right now...all glossy eyed and happy now that Jenn makes him laugh. WHAT. EVER. My gosh...I am so beyond knowing what to do right now.

What I do know is that I have a possible job opportunity in Vancouver. Odds are very good it could happen and with my brother in law deploying, my sister and I could easily live together until early summer when I am on my feet with a little more concrete plan. Again, it makes me sick to think of moving the boys again, but what other chance do I have? I feel so stuck between a rock and a hard place that I feel trapped.

Praying for peace and clarity....praying that Aaron is not really going to fight me on doing what I need to do for the boys and I right now. I know there is no way he will see anything other than what he wants right now, but I am praying that something breaks. It's got to....this just isn't okay.